


in the quiet moments

by wordsasweapons



Series: to the stars through adversity | alina/evgenia one shots. [7]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-07 17:43:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21461995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsasweapons/pseuds/wordsasweapons
Summary: She wasn’t there, but she was everywhere....[ Evgenia, Rostelecom, and coming home. ]
Relationships: Evgenia Medvedeva/Alina Zagitova
Series: to the stars through adversity | alina/evgenia one shots. [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1030640
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	in the quiet moments

**Author's Note:**

> look at me, back on my bullshit, full steam ahead.
> 
> we're trying to ignore the 2019-20 season being a hell season and deciding it is the season of alina and zhenya just being happy and satisfied with themselves on the ice, the end. hope you're all surviving so far, here's a little something to enjoy along the way. xo

**~~~**

.  
.  
.

Coming back home, it was everything she has been needing for months now. Despite how comfortable she has grown in her newfound home, The Cricket Club, and how often she wished to be there doing her work with a newfound understanding and love, it would never replace Russia. The longing she felt sometimes left her chest feeling hollowed out and raw. Simply breathing in the familiar air, not caring one bit about the cold. To speak her language throughout the day and feel as though she isn't stumbling through her second language. To see and hug old friends and family she missed every day. Kisses from Jerry and her favorite tea. It was what she needed.

She felt lost again, after Skate Canada. Much like she had the year before, and it wasn't a pattern she was keen on repeating. Flashbacks of how the Grand Prix in France had gone last year. It was bad enough Skate Canada had gone about the same, she wasn't about to let it continue. Not at home. Home would be stability and a reason to prove herself more than ever. She was making strides, she was on the right track, she knew that in her heart of hearts. Brian and Tracy told her every single day. Her friends at Cricket told her every single day. She needed to prove it to herself, and where could be better to prove it to herself and the world than at home.

With none of the same pressure mounting on her as it had last year, at least in terms of what other people thought of her. And by other people, well, it was fairly obvious at this point to whom that was referring. It was the last thing on her mind when she touched down in Moscow. When she went to sleep the night before the first practice, and throughout that first practice. Even with them hovering, it didn't deter her from interacting with Sasha. Speaking to her like she always had all those years together at Sambo. Being a role model, being a _friend_ to all of these girls, was far more important than anything else. Sasha still had that spunk, that fire about her she remembered so well. It had been nice to see her at Skate Canada. An oddly calming and familiar presence amongst the chaos that had happened. Contrary to popular belief no doubt.

"Have you started talking like a Canadian yet?" Sasha teases her. The same question she had teased her with when they had reunited in Canada. Evgenia rolls eyes as her lips curve into a smile.

"I'm best friends with a family of Moose, and I put maple syrup in everything now."

She watches Sasha's nose scrunch up, and she just laughs. Watching Sasha circle around herself, staring at the ice as she carves out incoherent lines before facing her again and grinning. "Did you bring any maple candies with you?"

And when Sasha looks at her and smiles like no time has passed and nothing has changed, it feels good. It feels solid. Another returning to home and to herself of sorts, the parts of her left behind in Russia that didn't hurt to return to. The people, the people that mattered. But she still felt a little hollow, a little raw. And maybe, perhaps, that was just the bitter cold in the air cutting through her lungs as she leaves the arena to get on the bus back to the hotel. She didn't miss that life, not one single bit. She watches Sasha from her seat, cuddling up with and cooing at Tina and she feels a tug. She would never return to that life even if it meant she got to live a hundred more after doing so. Tina lets out a sharp, loud bark, and Sasha laughs and jokes to herself that she should take her to the dog trainer Alina had used for Masaru. And maybe, perhaps, she was refusing to admit what she was missing.

.  
.  
.

She wasn't sure if she felt nervous the day of the short program, but there were butterflies of some sort all but tying up knots in her stomach. Swarming wildly and fluttering softly all at once. Maybe it was the excitement of being back on home ice, maybe it was anticipation to go out there and prove she could do better than she had her last outing.

Whatever it was, miraculously, it only served as some sort of boost. The roar of the crowd ringing in her ears, but it's completely welcome. It's a familiar language, a familiar warmth the fans at home provided. It carries her through those two minutes plus, and then she can exhale. Brian is reserved as he can be in the kiss and cry, but he's buzzing with excitement, relief, both at once. She can feel it sitting next to him and it seeps in and under her skin as well. The scores go up, and it's a new best for the season so far. And perhaps a season-best doesn't mean much in the first half of a season, but it was something. Another validation in her trek forward. She was a step better than where she had been at this point last year. And while tucked away in the locker room and away from prying eyes, she has a moment to reflect on that. And it feels good, a small smile appearing on her face. As it turns out, Sasha is seemingly more ecstatic about her placement than she is her own. She hugs her and it feels as warm as the love the crowd had given her. As warm as Brian felt when she snuggled into his side as they awaited her results. And it's nice to know that in front of the cameras, Sasha's friendliness doesn't dwindle and it's as strong tucked away in that locker room. She brings Tina with her to the press conference and it's far more welcomed than the ridiculous questions being asked. Questions of when will she be doing a quad, how much longer does she think she'll be skating for. It was infuriating and she catches herself at one point, looking to her side and expecting to find deadpan, dark brown eyes staring back at the reporters with signature indignation. That scrunched up expression common in front of reporters. She doesn't, but Sasha gives her a quick little glance that either means she agrees with her, or she somehow knew what she was thinking about.

She extends enough time to see Sasha and Dima after their short program, to say hello and to wish them well for tomorrow, and then she slips away. It's quiet as she heads down the tunnel on her way back to the bus, save for the voices fading into the background as she leaves the arena behind. It's a stupid reminder as she passes by the doping protocol room, but it's a reminder nonetheless. Of other quiet moments that felt like her old self, the parts of her that mattered just like Sasha and any of the other girls did.

_"You know, you finished a while ago, you don't need to stay."_

_"I know, but..."_

_Silence. Patient brown eyes. Always so understanding._

_"It's been so long. I just want to sit with you."_

_There's a bronze medal sitting beside her, a gold medal in the other girl's lap. But it's a smile that means just as much, if not more. The smile she knew so well, the smile she didn't think she was entitled to think was hers, but think that she did._

"Oh, Zhenya!" Says a surprised voice, hands suddenly gripping her shoulders. Not having realized her gaze had dropped and she was walking aimlessly. Finding another Sasha in front of her, Stepanova this time.

"God, sorry, Sasha, I was— in my head, I guess."

A soft, fluttery laugh comes first, Sasha flicking back long blonde hair from her face. "No worries. Good thoughts, I hope?"

She smiles despite the small, lingering ache in her chest. "Good thoughts, yeah." 

She pauses to look around for a moment, before continuing. "Is Vanya here, too?"

"He's around, chatting it up no doubt. You know he's more of the social butterfly than I am. "

"I remember," she chuckles.

"Well, I'll let you go, I know you're probably eager to go and rest up, but it was nice literally running into you. Job well done today, and best of luck tomorrow."

"Thank you, Sasha, will you two be here tomorrow as well?"

Sasha moves in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek the same time she does. "We'll be here."

They part ways, and Evgenia lingers long enough to watch Vanya come down the hall, both waving to each other. Sasha answering her ringing phone, voice filled with warmth as she does.

"Alinochka, my dear, yes yes, we're on our way now, we—"

She doesn't hear the rest of what Sasha says, having turned a corner and disappeared. She lingers there in that quiet hall for a moment longer. She breathes in deeply and exhales a sigh.

.  
.  
.

She wasn't there, but she was everywhere.

She was on poster after poster.

Commercial ads playing on the overhead monitor for the ice show she's going to be in.

A booth for the company sponsoring her.

Everyone was there, except for her. As she looks up from her spot to the monitor, she sees Alena, Kamilla, Anna, and little Daniil all in a row, there to watch the free skate. She knew Sasha and Vanya were somewhere in the crowd as well. A whole reunion it seemed. The entire Russian team it felt like... except for her. She didn't want to think about why. All the possible, terrible reasons why. She knew she was a dweller, but swears she's getting better at not doing it, getting better at looking for the positives. It was _her_ after all who had said, passing her phone back to her after some silliness in that empty arena back in Saitama.

_"Thank you for hanging out."_

_The smile she gets is a little surprised, a little lopsided._

_"I thought you were keeping me company?"_

_A foolish little flash of crimson on her cheeks, head bowing as she shrugs with a snort of laughter. A hand coming down to rest on her shoulder, palm warm as it squeezes._

_"You worry too much. We're okay."_

_She looks up, only catching a glimpse of those kind brown eyes as the other girl had turned away. Staring out into the vast space. She watches her chest rise and fall as she takes in whatever moment she was feeling. And she was mesmerized by it._

_"We always did better in calm, quieter moments."_

She looks away from the monitor when the camera changes to Daniil and Eteri. She doesn't have time to dwell and reminisce, about to take the ice for the introductions and a very important free skate. She takes in the same energy, the same feeling she had felt the day before and carries it with her throughout. The swarming and the fluttering, the quiet and the chaos of it all. And when she stands arms stretched out and facing the vastness of a full arena now, she smiles. When she bows her upper body to catch her breath, she sends her fist into the air with less ferocity than she had in another arena, time and place. She closes her eyes, smiles and knows. She knows what she knew back in Saitama, that she was back. The seemingly second, third, millionth chance awarded to her by even getting to go to Worlds, and it had paid off. The turning point.

She's made it back home now, in more ways than one. She's built a new one, this life in this body, in this career. And she laid the final bricks and sealed up all the cracks and holes where it mattered most. Home of all homes. Nothing can stop her from this point on. She wouldn't let anything stop her from this point on.

Brian is ecstatic next to her, and it's hard not to be, too.

They ask her if this was the best birthday present she could've gotten, and even though it feels good, it isn't. It's being home. Doing this at home, knowing home brought her here. Being home always brought her back to life.

And the hollowed out ache in her chest she arrived with has all but passed now.

She looks down at the silver medal around her neck and thinks of one another color. Stares out into the arena as she watches her flag go up, and thinks of the flags and anthem playing back in Saitama. She sits for a bit on a bench next to Sasha afterward laughing as they fooled around with their flower crowns, watching for a while as everyone else lined up for their respective medals before Alena and Anna come swooping in, chatting happily with Sasha and it's nice for a while, to catch up.

Alena speaks excitedly to her left. "I'm looking forward to NHK next week, I haven't spent enough time in Japan. Zhenya, you love Japan a lot, is it as special as it seems?"

She smiles kindly, playfully putting her crown on the girl's head. "More than you can imagine."

"Alina promised me she would bring back presents," Anna says.

"I promise to send lots of pictures as well," Alena adds.

"Zhenya, we could add you to a group chat if you want updates, too," Sasha says, looking at her with these eyes about as big and puppy-like as her tiny little dog. It's hard to say no.

She sits with them a little while longer, before she eventually slips away. Excited murmurs of Japan and presents and thinks about Japan and just how special it truly was.

_"There's something I need to tell you."_

_She turns and looks at the girl sitting next to her. Delicate hands folding over each other in her lap, and she holds her breath._

_"Okay..."_

_She doesn't speak right away, the only sound the soft rustling of the trees draping them in a Sakura blanket. Alone in the middle of the night on a park bench having drifted further and further away from the events of the day, but unwilling to part just yet._

_"I did miss you then."_

_She blinks, surprised. "I'm sorry?"_

_"Last year, at Worlds."_

_"Why—"_

_"Am I telling you now?" She says before she can. A sigh of laughter punctuating her words. "I regret not having said it then. And what happened, happened. For the better, I know. I was too lost in my head most of this season to ever try and say it again. And to tell you how proud of you I am now."_

_She can't explain why the sudden quickened thump, thump, thump in her chest. "You survived it all, though. Look at you now."_

_She watches the other girls head lower, staring at an invisible gold medal that's now resting in a box back in her hotel room. Watches one of those delicate hands rest over her chest. "And what's different about now, and last year?"_

_The thump, thump, thump is ringing in her ears now. Swallowing soundly, fighting words to the surface. "You never needed me to do this, Al. You don't need me anymore. Not like you used to."_

_She doesn't know why she says it. It feels wrong. But when the other girl finally turns and looks at her, sees the depth and warmth swimming in those brown eyes, she knows she understands what she meant. No ill will. But an unsaid longing. Something she didn't have the heart to ever ask for._

_"Doesn't mean that I don't **want** you in my life."_

_The tension in her chest subsides then, the thump, thump, thump calming its wild dance. Like she had been a bowstring pulled back to its limit, finally released. She watches a Sakura leaf make its slow descent in the wind, dropping between them and strands of fine brown hair float and fall in the breeze. She's reaching through that space before she can think about not doing it, tucking that hair back behind the other girl's ear. Feels her head tip into her touch just a bit and then her thumb is brushing over a strong jaw._

_"I'll be there."_

_The smile she gets in response is the same smile she gets the next day, standing on that stage to receive their small medals. A quiet understanding. Their language. Who they have always been to each other. Quiet but strong. Unassuming but everything._

She's wandered back down the tunnel, heading for the locker room, still somewhat immersed in her thoughts when it happens.

"I hear you're causing near collisions back here not paying attention like that."

She doesn't need to turn around and look for her to know who it is. That voice unmistakable and so familiar.

She does turn around though, Evgenia staring unblinkingly with the surprise she felt. Not completely at a loss for words, thankfully when she manages to get out... "You came."

Alina's leaning against a collum supporting floor to ceiling, one leg crossed over the other, boot toeing the ground with her hands tucked into her coat pockets and sporting a crooked grin.

"You seem surprised," she answers. Head cocked to the side like she's teasing her and it makes her want to laugh and whack her in the shoulder all at once.

"Well, everyone else was in the crowd."

"Hm," Alina hums. Finally stepping forward, closing the space between them. "You know crowds have never been my thing."

Evgenia smiles then, her own crooked little grin. "Except when you're on the ice, right?"

She watches Alina only smile in response. Hand reaching out and taking hold of the medal hanging off her neck. "We match now."

"At least you got yours in your first attempt," she snorts. Watches Alina's thumb brush over the shining surface and hears a small _tsk'_

"This one matters more."

It definitely does.

Alina looks up then, the look and the smile on her face wiped of the playfulness it had and replaced with that usual warmth. Those always, _always_ kind and understanding eyes. "Congratulations, Zhen."

Evgenia just stares back at her for what feels like ages, and then she's springing into motion. Arms flung around Alina's neck as she clings to her in an almost bone-crushing hug, but Alina doesn't seem to mind. She just feels the warmth of her breath falling on her skin as she laughs and snakes her arms around her waist. Her eyes squeezed shut as she simply breathes her in and any of the ache she might have still felt lingering disappears completely.

"God, I missed you," she whispers into the other girl's shoulder. Somehow melts further into their embrace when she feels Alina's hand stroke up and down her back.

"It hasn't been that long," Alina laughs. She knows she's referring to the sushi and the long talk and the unplanned cuddling in Alina's bed after they had fallen asleep when she had been back for Test Skates.

And now, being here, it was foolish to think things were like they used to be. Constantly feeling like she was on pins and needles and everything they had was so fragile. But maybe she just needed, craved the confirmation that this came with all the other confirmations that she was home. That she was back, Evgenia whole and complete. Quiet. Strong. Unassuming. Everything.

With anyone else, she would question why this hug lasted as long as it did, in complete silence. Every other waking moment felt like it needed to be filled with something else. But not this one.

"I'm really proud of you," Alina eventually says to break the silence. She whispers a quiet thank you in response and just snuggles deeper into the other girl's body. For the few more moments it lasts before they're no longer alone.

"There you are, we've been looking for you." Vanya's voice. Sasha's following.

"I see this is a happening spot for reunions."

Evgenia laughs and swears she catches a blush in Alina's cheeks when they break apart and step back from each other. Something soft and delicate fluttering in her chest in response to it, before turning her attention to the other two.

"It's good to see you two again."

Sasha leans over and kisses her cheek, smiling brightly. "Before we sweep this one away, congratulations to you."

"Thank you. Best of luck at NHK," she says back, kissing Sasha's cheek. Vanya reaching over and giving her his usual bright and boyish smile as well as a high-five.

"Reservations are at 9, right?" Alina eventually pipes back in. Sasha nodding in response, and in what Evgenia witnesses as their own quiet understanding, Sasha steps out of the way and squeezes Alina's hand as she goes, bringing Vanya along with her.

"Well..."

"Well," she repeats back to her.

Alina shakes her head as she chuckles. Stepping back into her space, reaching for her hand and taking it into a delicate hold. Thumb brushing back and forth over her skin.

"I'm glad you came," she whispers. And then she's leaning forward and her breath catches in her throat as Alina's lips press to her cheek. And then the moment is over and she's saying "I'll see you soon," and Evgenia is still holding her breath.

Watching Alina join the waiting adults further up the tunnel, Sasha slinging an arm around her shoulders and smiling at her as they walked and talked.

Later, in bed and not quite ready to sleep she grabs her phone off the nightstand and opens her messages.

_ **Come to my birthday party.** _

_ **I'll be there.** _

.  
.  
.

The day of her birthday is spent with all those family and friends she had been missing. Tucked away in the large hotel suite they had all pitched in for the occasion. Marathons of TV shows she hasn't had the time to catch up on and almost too much pizza stacked on tables in the corner.

Evgenia occasionally checking her phone for the time, even though she knew Alina had told her she might be late. Coming from practice and all that. And when she does finally arrive, she shoves a drink and pizza into her hands and demands she eats up, and Alina doesn't refute her. Alina talks to her mom and grandmother for a little bit and meets a couple of her friends she's known for years outside of skating, and she doesn't know why it matters but it does when those friends pull her aside to whisper their approval of Alina. That she's kind and sweet and funny.

Their eyes meet across the room while Evgenia had gotten up for more punch, Alina sitting cross-legged on the floor as the TV plays on. Alina inclines her head in the direction of the terrace and she doesn't need much more than that to cross the room as Alina gets up. The two of them huddling up near the heater on a small bench as they looked out at the city lights.

"Are you having a nice time?" Alina asks.

"Yeah," she nods with a smile. Notices the small shudder from the other girl and wraps an arm around her shoulders, bodies nestled together for the extra warmth. "You aren't leaving yet, are you?"

"No," Alina shakes her head. Head turned in her direction. "Unless you're kicking me out," she finishes with a chuckle.

"Never," she smiles back at her.

Alina lays her head on her shoulder then, and she doesn't even think about asking why they're out here in the cold when they could be back inside. Because it was their moment together away from everything else. Evgenia's fingers slowly stroking up and down Alina's sweater-clad upper arm. Never once questioning the intimacy they seemed to have with each other. An intimacy that seemed to come to them as quietly as anything else. It came as naturally as the breath each of them inhaled in this shared space.

And because old habits don't seem to disappear that easily, she finds herself reflecting again. Reflecting on the way they had held each other that last time she was home. Alina cocooned around her and the jokes the next morning over coffee about how of course she would be the big spoon. On how sweet she looked with a mocha stained upper lip and smile brought on by an eruption of laughter. Mind traveling further and reflecting back on the last time they shared a bench together. A moment that had felt monumental, another shift in their little universe that confirmed to her that the tide was changing. And she could reflect further, on every moment they've ever shared and how it's all been significant in one way or another but she stays on that bench in Japan when the wind picks up for a moment and she feels Alina's hair brush up against her cheek. She's back on this bench when she feels Alina try to burrow closer into her side. And she knows what she wants to say now that she hadn't that night.

"Alina?"

A grunt is her response. She can't help but smile for a moment before she grows serious again.

"I need to tell you something."

"Can you do it before we freeze to death?"

She sighs heavily. "It was your idea to come out here need I remind you."

"I'm sorry," Alina mumbles around a quiet laugh. Resting a hand atop her knee and squeezing. "You were saying..."

For a breath or two, she thinks the thump, thump, thump in her chest and ringing in her ears would stop her from doing it, but...

"I love you."

It's like time stops altogether once those words are uttered and maybe they did freeze and they're just frozen like this forever and there won't ever be a clear ending to this story. Alina doesn't move, she doesn't move. Alina doesn't speak, she doesn't speak. For what feels like an eternity. And then...

"I love you, too."

And as the wind picks up those strands of hair again, she finds her hand resting against Alina's jaw much the same way it had months ago and this time she does what she hadn't done then... this time she kisses her.

And Alina kisses her back. And the ache in her chest is definitely from the cold now but she doesn't care because Alina's lips taste like punch and it's all so warm.

It's as quiet as anything else, this step.  
Unplanned, unassuming.   
But probably always there.  
Probably always where this was headed.  
Strong. Everything.

And home never felt so good.

.

.

.


End file.
